When I was in my early twenties, I struggled with being the only one of my friends; who was single and did not have kids. I watched as friend after friend, got married, or became pregnant. Instead of being happy for my friends, I felt jealousy. Most of these friends were not even looking for marriage or kids.
Here I was longing for something that came to someone who was not even looking for it. I have always had the heart of a mother. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered, be a mommy. Seeing other people living MY dream was hurtful and hard to cope with. I never had any other desire for what I wanted to be, other than a wife and mother.
The Gift of Being Single
If your story looks a bit like mine, then let me tell you something important. You are being given the gift of time. Time to pursue your relationship with God without the pressures of motherhood and marriage. You now have the time to grow, mature, and find independence. The gift of time will allow you to find your strengths and the details that make you who you are, But most of all, you have been given time to become the woman that God called you to be so that you can one day be the wife and mother He called you to be.
A Consuming Desire
Knowing what I desired in life but not getting to have it; left me feeling like I did not have a purpose. Other people could go to college to prepare for what they wanted to do. But there was no program for being a wife and mother. I tried to go to college on two separate occasions and both times ended up dropping out because my heart was not in it. That time of my life was spent feeling lost. I was wandering around just waiting for my life to begin.
1 Samuel chapter 1 became the most worn page in my bible as my heart cried with Hannah. Hannah longed for a child, and her rival tormented her. She felt like less because she was unable to bear a child. Although my situation was not the same as hers, I still related to her desire for children. My bible is marked and underlined throughout her plight. My desire began to consume me. I can remember several occasions being so depressed that I lay on my bathroom floor crying and feeling alone. My focus was taken off of God and instead turned to my desire.
Gratitude
If I could go back to my early to mid-twenties and get married, I would not. I did not realize how much I needed to grow up and find my independence. I see women my age with 10, and 12-year-olds or five kids, and I am shocked. I can not imagine that for myself at this age. By being single, I had an opportunity that most women do not get, and that was to find myself. Find out what made me, me. Before, I found myself as a wife or a mother.
I was allowed to begin a journey of self-discovery where I discovered many things. Such as the fact that I am a great cook! I love creating a recipe but can not follow one to save my life! Cooking for myself allowed me to try different flavor combinations without fear of someone not liking it. If something was not tasty, my dog was more than happy to eat it with no judgment.
I also discovered that being a mom to a dog is very satisfying, especially if that dog is incredibly loving and sweet. There is satisfaction in nurturing and caring for something reliant on you.
But one of the most important things that I discovered is that my mother’s heart could serve another purpose other than raising my children. Being a role model and mentor for women who are younger than me is an honor. I can help guide, nurture, and befriend those who are at a tender age.
Last bit of Advice
The best advice that I could give you is this: do not let the desire of your heart consume you. Take your eyes off of your dreams and put them on Jesus. When we allow the desire to overwhelm us, we will start to feel desperate to see it answered, and that is when we become tempted to make it happen in our way or to settle. It is possible to have a desire and not allow it to consume you and control your emotions.
My desire to be a wife and mother did not go away. My dreams are still the same, and I still can feel frustrated, but I no longer allow it to consume me. If I feel sadness or depression, I now recognize it as a tactic from the devil to make me feel dissatisfied and take my eyes off Jesus. And that is a dangerous thing to do.
You will be disappointed if you look to marriage, kids, or anything earthly to fill you. The only thing that will fulfill you is a relationship with Jesus.
Referenced Scripture: https://biblehub.com/bsb/1_samuel/1.htm
Tamera-YourChristianBestFriend says
You are so right. Singleness is the time to focus on your relationship with God and to learn how He fulfills us. I got married in my mid-twenties and had to use my married time to discover myself.
carrie says
It really is! I want more young women to realize this and take advantage of their time of being single.
H Rankin says
Such great advice! Looking back now, I wish I could have done things differently. Maybe if I’d listened to that inner voice saying something wasn’t right when I married my first husband, then I could have avoided so much heartache.
carrie says
Thank you! We must always listen to that inner nudging. It will save us so much heart break! I am sorry you had to learn that the hard way. 🙁
Sharon says
Great advice! I think everyone experiences that ‘grass is greener’ feeling, no matter which way their life goes. You journey is your own and you shouldn’t compare it to anyone elses x
carrie says
So true!